“Will you shut up, man” Biden spoke the words that everyone sometimes thinks of a colleague who continuously talks through you. Trump argued like a toddler on cocaine, screamed through everything and made any meaningful and respectful exchange of ideas impossible. said Debatrix expert Lars Duursma in his commentary for de Volkskrant. What to do in such a conversation?
During the debate, Trump never let Biden finish. Biden did not have a good strategy on how to deal with this, while all this was quite predictable. He would have done better to mention this. Earlier we wrote about meta-communication in important debates and discussions. Metacommunication: identify what is happening. But also show why that is so bad. For example, Biden could have consistently positioned himself as an ambassador for ordinary Americans. Then Trump doesn’t ignore Biden, but them.
In everyday situations with a talking colleague, it does not hurt to also mention what is happening. In those situations, too, you should not just stop at meta-communication. Even then you must indicate the impact of this. That impact does vary from situation to situation. For example, it makes a big difference whether this takes place in a one on one situation or in a meeting.
In a meeting, it can be useful to make a quarter turn and to name the impact on the meeting and the time of your colleagues. You do not only stand up for yourself, but for all colleagues. (This is a good negotiation technique anyway .)
In a one-on-one situation, the reflex after naming what is happening is to immediately start talking about how it feels to you. That seems like a logical strategy, but what do you achieve with it? The type of colleague who is always talking through you will likely be a lot less empathetic by nature. ‘Fascinating’ It is also much more effective to think about the WIIFY (what’s in it for you) of the other. For example, by indicating that if the other lets you finish, from now on you can also listen better to the other (ego). Or by mentioning that meetings last longer because of this – this is a job for impatient colleagues.
Debatrix is a leading expert in (remote) persuasive communication. Based in Europe, we offer executive coaching, persuasion consulting and trainings on TED-worthy presenting, how to influence and inspire, storytelling, debating, framing and dealing with difficult questions.
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